| Shaolin Kung Fu |
[29 Oct 2009|05:39pm] |
I know it's large.
This is from the beginning of the year, for my Gods, Heroes, and Monsters theory & practice class.
I had to do a visual piece for our shamans/monks/priests meeting.
They liked it.
Should have expanded it more; needed to make it larger, more epic, and more zen. It's a bit crowded and busy.
It was on a big piece of watercolor paper though.
Had a breakdown lately. It was bad. Broken and scattered puzzle pieces of myself. Need to rebuild. Need new pieces. Have none. Have neither blueprints nor plans. I am without a strong identity, just a perseona.
Want to be in a cockpit. Want to work hard and sell art properly.
Almost left school, but I have to stick with it.
Back on medication. Feeling physically more active, goofy, and lively. Feels like artificial happiness sometimes.
Love my friends.
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| Back To School |
[18 Sep 2009|05:26pm] |
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mood |
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 cold |
] |
I wish art school students would stop complaning about...
... How anyone can claim to be an artist now that we've realized that it's human nature to be creative and to put a certain magic in tasks both special and everyday. I know that there's less quality control due to the contemporary emphasis on conceptualization, and I know that it makes you less special and entitled as an art student... But art everyday, everywhere, for everyone; it's good for evolution. If you think you have an edge over the outsider without formal instruction and massive amounts of theory, PROVE IT with your work, your thought process, and your discourse. STOP SECOND GUESSING PEOPLE'S CREDIBILITY AND START DOUBTING YOUR OWN.
... Things in general during a class discussion without ending a rant with useful information, inference, conclusion, and insight.
... How they don't understand the messages, themes, and significance of rockstar artists like Hermann Nitsch, Marina Abramovic, and Matthew-fucking-Barney when we aren't freshman anymore and we should know these things. It's not that we should have an encyclopedic knowledge of other artists so we can name-drop and wax intellectual. I wish people wouldn't JUDGE so quick, and if they can't wrap their brains around such things, THEY CAN READ THE ASSIGNMENTS, do some research, and LISTEN intently in class to LEARN instead of going ON AND ON about how they're not into it. You don't need to like it, just try to comprehend it.
... Theory and how you just want to work, do what you want, and use your intuition. That's necessary, but if you're not trained with your weapons, you'll never be a master. Understand that your work is a reflection of the output of your brain, after tons and tons of thought process dating back to every single sight that's been subconsciously and permanently instilled onto your mind. Every element in the image you are making has its associations. You need not perpetuate them, but you need to understand them because your audience is going to make associations. Your work reveals things about yourself, your time, your values. You can let the environment DICTATE what you create aimlessly, or you can be hyper-aware of it all and CONTROL what you create and how. And what did that one guy say? "Writing more than you read is the mark of an amateur". Just a quote, don't attack me for it.
I don't know. My work is definitely showing my new disciplines, my old ways, and my discoveries. I can spend hours, meticulously working through a project centimeters at a time... There is a feeling of accomplishment after. There is a feeling of determination whilst working... But there is no joy. And what's been up with my lack of energy lately?
I am itching for trigger time. I want to shoot some fools. Airsoft, by the way.
It happens.
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| Hunger |
[26 Jul 2009|08:58am] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
] |
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music |
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Spectre General - Hunger |
] |
Yes. That is me, as an immortal ninja and JR as Rorschach. More photos here.
I was pretty proud of my set at the geek night we threw at Cafe Mondial. I played some Evangelion, Voltes V, Transformers songs from the 80's OST, and some remixes I added quotes and audio samples to... Like a Star Trek remix with dialogue from the old TV series... Star Wars of course with quotes from the movies... And the theme of N64's Goldeneye 007 that turns into a remix of the Facility BGM with overlapping taunts from Team Fortress 2, and then it blended into that really sweet track I found of a sick-ass beat using only Call of Duty 4 gun sounds that I mixed in with Modern Warfare quotes. Yes of course I played Final Fantasy remixes. I even played the intro to Wild ARMs; at that point I was too drunk to care if it was easy to dance to or not. People went wild for it though, which pleases me because I ONLY KNOW A HANDFUL OF PEOPLE WHO'VE PLAYED THAT GAME.
I sped up the BPM of the ending song of Mass Effect, and Smashing Pumpkins' The Beginning Is The End Is The Beginning (but not before playing the Saturday Morning Watchmen theme song).
Our UAV is online. Hoo ha.
I'm leaving for Portland on Tuesday. I bought PNP BDUs for my friends in Portland, kimonos and yukatas from the Narita airport, airsoft masks, and some kamagong weapons. In fact I'm going to Pampanga to get more camouflage uniforms, tomorrow morning.
My next big OP is on August 8 and I've managed to secure a really great and challenging position on my team. It is an honor, and a challenge. I would like to prove myself worthy of it.
Late in August there is a fucking zombie game at this beautiful location I've played at before. I am running as a survivor (as opposed to rescuer), and then after my run I've volunteered as a zombie actor. I am going to come ot of that weekend with bruises, marks, and wounds... It will be worth it though.
My vacation has been great. My alcohol tolerance is where it should be, thanks to Red Horse and tequila.
Best night? I would have to say Carlo's birthday party at Saguijo. It was a great congregation of all these familiar faces and old friends. I was also given a couple of GREAT jobs; the magic words are KATE TORRALBA and FASPITCH but I won't disclose too much right now.
( Manila Magic: Photos )
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| On My Mind |
[28 Jun 2009|08:31am] |
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music |
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Faunts - M4 Part II |
] |
I'm back in Manila and I'm determined to do this vacation right, hopefully redeeming the emotional fiasco that was my Christmas holiday here.
In between cigarettes and sips of beer... In the moments of repose wherein I turn away from the conversation... When the blaring beats from super speakers turn into static and the strobes and colored lights blur into haze... These are the things that rush through my thoughts, to linger and to vanish, only to return every so often...
Airsoft.
Guns.
Swords.
What wargames mean to me.
What real war means to my friends.
How I'm going to get rusty at Soul Calibur IV while I'm here.
How beautiful Resident Evil 5 is, and how cool it is to be Sheva.
The song at the ending credits of Mass Effect and how I overplay it in Xavier's car, because you can't go wrong with such an ambient new wave sounding sonic experience that makes you think of science fiction, outerspace, and HEART.
HEART and the fighting spirit.
What it means to be a warrior as opposed to a soldier.
What it means to play the mercenary and the contractor.
HEART and the fighting spirit...
Kiai.
My cat Cobra and how she had been so sweet and affectionate before I left, and how Rahim is going to help her stay sane while I'm gone.
The heat and humidity.
Friends.
Hair dye, new tattoos, and possibly piercings.
Wearing heels again, I might start.
Money, unfortunately.
Xavier.
HEART, and how I have so much of it, but not enough outer strength to truly show it!
Performance art and incorporating SWAT tactics into it; I will not disclose too much of this right now for it needs to remain a surprise for my future audience.
Seeing the racing line at every corner.
Making music and how it's difficult to write satisfactory lyrics right now.
Airsoft. I need a gun for outdoor play. I want a GALIL. Yes.
Here are some shots that my friend took from the Infidel Bash. Yes that is me, in my Private Military Contractor glory. Ninja flair forever. See more here! Benjamin Pham. He's really good at what he does!
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| It's Been A While... |
[29 May 2009|03:09am] |
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mood |
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 ecstatic |
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My life's been pretty interesting.
I got into airsoft... Bought a Classic Army CAM15A4 from a boy who has fallen on hard times (the financial crisis in America is hitting a lot of people hard, and I've been witnessing it firsthand amongst friends). It's already been upgraded nicely. The sweet deal came with so much extra stuff like ammo, mags, parts, batteries, a charger, tools, and a bag for all these things. I cannot stress how lucky I was.
The Airsoft Pacific website and forums are so much fun. It's got everything for my geeky needs, and the TROLLS make everything a hundred times more enjoyable and hilarious, and they remind me of how much I wish CARLO CASAS ("the three Bs of life are Booze, Boobs, and BACON") was around.
I've made really good friends in such a short period of time thanks to this new hobby...
Little preteen boys who are too cute with their beyond-their-years maturity...
Veterans who have served in the military and those still serving; they have the WILDEST stories ranging from encounters with exotic foreign animals, to being arrested abroad, explosions, gunfire, and all that bad-ass stuff...
Gear hoards who collect almost every camouflage pattern ever invented by any country...
It's just too cool to explain and I'm so happy to have been welcomed and accommodated.
Yes there are some interesting issues surrounding my role as one of the only girls in the community, but I handle them. *wink*
MY FIRST EXHIBIT IN AMERICA EVARRRR was a success as well. It was alongside a fashion event and each of my images was 8ft in length and 5ft in height... The biggest size I've ever worked with! I like working big. It's just so much easier to impress and impact in a large scale. I EARNED BIG BUCKS!
I also have a CAT that I adopted, at 11 years old. When she is sweet and sassy she is Missy Lou. I did not name her, but whatever. She can keep it.
When she freaks out and hisses, she becomes a BEAST. I love it; she has such character! At these times she is identified as COBRA. I call her Cobra all the time, anyway, in spite of any multiple personality disorder claims.
I read an email that my psychiatrist sent to my school regarding my psychological diagnoses. I have quite a lot now... There's histrionic, borderline, ADHD, bipolar, and a circadian rhythm disorder... But when I read her email I found out that I have substance abuse disorder AS WELL and I'm frankly a little surprised (but only a little).
I can cook now too. FINALLY.
I really really loved Star Trek and I enjoyed the Terminator movie IMMENSELY. I finished the anime series CLAYMORE and it is now one of my favorites, almost up there with Neon Genesis Evangelion. Now I am watching DESERT PUNK which is just TOO awesome and TOO hilarious and TOO geeky. I know I can appreciate it a lot more now that I'm into airsoft; the series feels like it was written by comedic geniuses who are also gearheads obsessed with guns, anime story-telling methods, and post-apocalyptic survivalism.
Ugh. All this airsoft stuff is too cool and too fun.
Here is the game that I'm going to be playing on Sunday... Mini OP: Drug Runners.
And here is the trailer video for the competition I acted for, as a way to get introduced to the community. It was a smart move on my part and I'm so happy I did it! I'm not in it because that's just the trailer. The videos of the actual competition are in their post-production stage. It was pretty wild. I played a drug addict dancing around at this underground nightclub at a drug distribution scenario. The club got swept by each team and I was arrested and secured, cuffed, and escorted every single time. I also got to play the part of a hostage of the druglord at the poker room in the back of the nightclub, and that was such a hoot.
THAT'S ME biting the dust... Hahaha! Photo courtesy of Benjamin Pham and Airsoft Pacific!
Playing is fun. I did a free play indoors inside a warehouse. I've gone to an outdoor skirmish where I had to walk through tall grass and thorny bushes. I had to wade through a creek and a swamp without a change of footwear and dry socks. Sad face.
No.
HAPPY FACE!
I'm having fun.
And I'll be back late June, so watch out for me. I didn't do so well when I came back home for Christmas vacation, but I promise I'll be a lot of fun this time. I feel rejuvenated.
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